


The First Time Holding Hands

by myfavorite26



Series: A Series of Firsts [5]
Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 19:08:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4191534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myfavorite26/pseuds/myfavorite26
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For Stulot! Hopefully I did your vision justice.</p>
    </blockquote>





	The First Time Holding Hands

**Author's Note:**

> For Stulot! Hopefully I did your vision justice.

The First Time Holding Hands

 

“Alright Robert, I get it. No touching in public.”

I sigh as I hear that come from Aaron’s mouth. I hear the hurt he is trying to hide after I flinched away from him. 

It shouldn’t be like this, _I_ shouldn’t be like this.

We are sitting in the pub, surrounded by our family and his friends. There is no one here who doesn’t know we’re together. It’s hard to keep anything quiet in this village and when everyone finds out about you being together in the aftermath of a nasty divorce…well tongues hadn’t stopped wagging in some time.

It had taken us _(me)_ a while to even be out in public. Aaron was worth all of it, but I still struggled sometimes. Being comfortable in my own skin has never been easy for me, and now I feel like we’re on display any time we’re out together. He has stood beside me through everything and now I couldn’t do this one small thing for him.

I know he is never going to want huge public displays, but when he reaches for my hand across the table I freeze and my self-preservation kicks into high gear. I instantly reach for my pint as his fingers brush against the back of my hand. My face floods with shame as I realize what I’ve done and his words make it that much worse.

I have to make this better, but I don’t know how.

“Aaron, it’s not…”

“It’s fine Robert, I’ll go gets us another.”

It’s decidedly not fine, with him or with me. I watch him as he walks to the bar and I’m struck again by how much I don’t deserve him. I’ve worked so hard to prove myself to him. When I finally got my head out of my arse I realized just how much I loved him, I fought and fought to win him back. Ultimately though it was his decision if we were going to be together and I will love him forever for letting me love him. 

So what the fuck is wrong with me?

I don’t have much time to analyze that as Aaron returns, without our pints.

I look straight into his eyes as he speaks and I’m not surprised to see the frustration there, “Why don’t we just call it a night. I’ll walk you back to the cottage if you want me to.”

He’s disappointed in me, enough that he wants to end our night early, and that hurts much more than his anger would.

I want to get down and beg for forgiveness. Or throw my arms around him and not let him go, apologizing over and over again for being a complete a utter idiot as well as a terrible boyfriend. But I think either of those options would only bring out the anger Aaron is trying to hold back, so I nod and get up, hoping that when we get back to my place I can convince him to come in and then start groveling. 

It’s a gorgeous summer night, just after tea time and everyone is out enjoying the beautiful weather. Aaron feels like a thunder cloud next to me. He is tense and closed off, and it hurts so much to know I’m the cause of that. I love him and I have to fix this. 

I start running over the words in my head that I will say to him to make him understand why I pulled away. Everything sounds like complete and total shite and my anxiety is starting to rise along with the fear that I won’t find a way to make this ok. That this is going to be the hurdle that we can’t get over, that it’s going to be the straw that finally breaks Aaron’s back and he’ll run from me like I always thought he would. My fear makes me reach out before I know what I’m doing, the thought of losing him terrifying me so much that I have to physically hold onto him, taking his hand in mine I squeeze his fingers tighter than may be comfortable but I need him to ground me. 

He stops dead in his tracks and I realize why a moment to late, as I’m pulled back by our connected hands and intertwined fingers. He’s staring at our hands with caution in his eyes, he lifts his head, fixing me with a look that is nothing but questioning. 

This is the moment where I decide what this relationship means to me. Aaron’s hand in mine, warm and calloused and so familiar it feels like an extension of me. And I don’t know why I was so scared of this because it feels amazing. I squeeze his hand again and pull him toward me reaching my free hand up to his face, brushing my thumb against his cheek before wrapping my hand around the back of his neck and leaning my forehead against his. We stay like that for a moment before I lean in and kiss him, quickly and chastely, hoping he understands what I’m trying to communicate. He is who I will always choose to be with, that I’m proud to be with him, that I’m thankful every moment for I get to stand next to him, and kiss him, and hold his hand.

As we walk toward home, hand in hand, stopping to talk to people we pass I don’t know if I’ve ever been more content in my life. 

 


End file.
